A year ago today our little baby boy came into this world. They doctors put me in the hospital at 27 weeks hoping they could keep the baby safe. However, I suffered from Preclampsia and HELLP Syndrome and when my internal organs began to shut down they decided they needed to take the baby. So at 30 weeks my fragile 2 lb. 15 ounce baby boy struggled to survive, and we, as new parents, struggled to understand what he was going through knowing there was nothing we could do to help him.
We grew a lot during those three months in the hospital. Because of punk's condition we were sent to Denver. Lucky for us we were able to stay with Hunk's brother's family. They were amazing, they opened their home to us and made helped us feel as if we had always lived there. They even had our Christmas decorations sent down so we could really feel like we were out home.
Mostly, they always made us laugh. With a house of six kids there was always something fun or entertaining going on. We also joked about how Hunk and I prayed that punk would come early so we wouldn't have to pay our deductible twice because of the New Year. Obviously, we should have been more specific with our prayers about how early we were thinking.
Looking back over the past year a lot of emotions seem to coming rushing back-fear, terror, and a complete loss of control of our lives. However, I also look and remember a calm and peacefulness reassurance that took over my body the day Punk a.k.a. Brecken was born. Maybe it was the morphine and pain killers, but I I remember laying on that operating table knowing everything thing would be alright. I also know that in my most desperate time of need Heavenly Father heard my prayers.
I am thankful for this experience. I don't want to have to ever go through it again, but I did learn a few valuable lessons. I use to always think that I needed to have complete control over my life...I was kind of OCD about lists, schedules, times--you name it. When this experience happened I learned that I had to rely on others... alot. Why? Well first I had doctors keeping my baby alive and secondly, the week we had Brecken was also the week we bought our first house. So it meant that other people had to go through my things and move them into our new home. It was my version of a nightmare, but everything turned out great.
I also learned to rely on my husband, before this experience I had thought of myself as a very independent person. After the experience I learned that it was alright to have someone to take care of me, I mean really take care of me. He had to help me walk up the stairs, sit on the couch, move across the house, get into the car, and even step into the shower. He was amazing, patient, kind and very strong.
We also learned to rely on our Father in heaven. I, personally, had never really had a trial of faith before and I believe this counts. We grew to be more of a family by relying on each other, understanding each others needs, and comforting one another during this time.
What do I love now...a year later?
I love how Hunk still looks at Punk the same way he did the first time he held him (which was TWO WEEKS after he was born) and I love the feeling that comes over me when I know that no matter what happens I will have them both for eternity.
I love my little man's amazingly blue eyes....
I love his scowl and his fiery personality...
I love his smile and laugh...
And I love how healthy and BIG he is now--even if he is only 17 lbs!
Mostly, I love that I get to tell Punk Happy Birthday today!