24 months.

Dear Addy,

I would venture to say I know why were were given to me. Clearly it's a huge assumption on my part to believe that I know the answers right now as to why you are mine and what I did to deserve you but I truly think I know. You are me, maybe not so much in looks but your personality bleeds through with shining colors in perfect resemblance to your momma. You're bubbly and friendly with a side that becomes easily frustrated while still tender-hearted, all of which has been packaged into an itsy bitsy body of sorts. Sometimes your frustrations are so overwhelming that you can't control them and you sob and cry uncontrollably because, well, you just know of no other way to express yourself. Luckily, your larger than life emotions will fade over time and you'll learn to control them.

I know the feelings of frustration that you already carry and I already know how big your heart has grown and will continue to do. I know that in a flip of switch you will go from bubbly to meltdown and right back again in a matter of minutes. Right now you've just finished a nice meltdown on floor--it's a common occurrence around here. And in an instance you then climbed up next to me at the bar and you are now lost in a sea of pen swirls while incessantly reminding me of the dog barking outside. It's a beautiful moment and no amount of picture taking or videoing can truly capture the love I feel for you at this very moment. It's a perfectly ordinary moment that seems to have captured the most perfect moment of parenthood and it's times like now that I must keep on reminding myself to "remember this."

I know that along with your strong personality comes this thickness. It's more than thick skin, it's confidence, determination, and with a hint of stubborness, all of which will serve you well later on in life. I love with an enduring type of love. It never wavers, it continually grows, and it fill me with the greatest type of joy every day. 

I love you baby girl. 

And just so you know...

You love you baby dolls and your the most amazing mother to all of them. Constantly tucking them in and kissing them "good night."

You're a Frozen fan. It's to be expected I suppose.

You still nap. Most times you just lay in bed talking to yourself, but you nap at least for a little while.

Your foods of choice are watermelon, carrots, and popcorn. 

You've started to say the prayer at night. Whenever your Dad says the word "to" during the prayer you will immediately say "three." It's cute and comical.

You are slowly learning your ABC's but your block building skills are reveled by none :)

You kiss with your tongue...

18 months

I'm digging 18 months. Hands down it may be my favorite age yet. You're so squishy and mobile and you still let me lay slobbery kisses all over your face. You only say "No!" (emphasis on the loudness) and a whole slew of animal noises, but you're smart beyond your years (bias, maybe?) No matter the task you go into full-blown action to accomplish it--picking up your toys, putting on your shoes, grabbing diapers, and climbing into your high chair are all tasks you do with ease. Which is so mind blowing since your most common forms of communication are hand tugging and pointing.

 

I just love you so much and the older you get the more I yearn for time to freeze. You're a picky eater, but if we catch you in the right mood you'll eat about anything. Your favorites right now are candy (shameful), bananas, quinoa, soup, and you have this real hankering for French Fried Onions out of the can (you know, the kind that go on green been casserole) I mean you really like them. And walking. wow. You run, but your little body has to play catch up with your legs so your movements are often jumbled as you topple over your own feet. I like it though, and even more I like chasing those little legs of yours around the living room. AND horse-y time. I think you spend more time riding around on my back which is fun and all except when you brother decides he wants a ride too...I'm not that big of a person so I'm sure you can imagine how the story plays out. And when it comes down to it  I cherish the quite moments in our life when you and your brother crawl up in my arms and we read book, after book, after book (we read a lot of books),  it's in those moments that you gently scratch my hands or run your fingers through my hair (which is ironic because when I feed you your little fingers attach my chest like you're just about to win on a scratch card).

 

Before you I imagined a whole house of boys, the ruckus of little trains and airplanes (wait. that still happens), but now my days are filled will combs, and tucking teddy bears into piles of laundry...and secretly, I kind of want more girls. oi' vei! (I'm sure your brother would disagree).  Even though your words are limited your eyes always seem to be watching and learning and yesterday I caught you with a stool pushed up to the bathroom counter while you teetered on top of it trying to put on makeup by yourself. And like an old pro you knew exactly where to use blush and what brush was needed on your eyes, heaven help us!

 

And if being a girl wasn't enough you've really taken the bull by the horns when it comes to your emotions. Your little heart is so big and the slightest raised voice or stern look your way often sends you into a fit of tears. A hug and a kiss is all it takes for you to resume back to your normal self again. I'm not much of a crier, but I totally get the wearing your emotions on your sleeves. It seems that sometimes the only way you know how to communicate is through your larger than life emotions. Your Dad jokes that the teen years will be rough, I hate to inform him that they could be even more than that.

 

Gosh, I don't even know where to begin and end when it comes to describing my love. I just have so many hopes and dreams for you. You still have so much life ahead that I can't even start to comprehend where life will take our family and because of that I am so thankful for every day we have with you!  

 

 My baby girl, you are loved.

 

Love, Mom

It's been 538 Days

We announced our second baby in December of 2011 and at 20 weeks I decided to start documenting each week of my pregnancy. Guys, my nose. Why didn't you tell me?! I lived in denial thinking it wasn't that big, but holy cow, that sucker could have had its own zip code. If there was ever a time I would want a picture of me to not be forever stuck in the abyss of the internet my pregnancy photos would take the cake. Even the post where I show off my belly in one of those crazy wraps would have been better.

Anyway, when Addison turned one I decided to read back through all the love letters I wrote to her, you know, just to find out how crazy I actually was during my pregnancy. Geeze Louise. Let me publicly apologize. I honestly didn't realize that I had a serious case of the Debbie Downers in a few of the posts. In a split second I thought about deleting those posts, I mean who really wants to read that depressing stuff anyway. We live in a pretty messed up  world and there's no need for an emotionally-drained Mom adding to the mix, right? But after playing the mind game of do-I-want-my-daughter-to-know-I'm-somewhat-unstable-or-not I finally decided against it thinking at some point she would have to know that pregnancy is hard, raising babies is even harder, AND that giving birth to her turned me into a raging Allison Reynolds for a brief period of time (watch The Breakfast Club and you'll understand). 

Interestingly enough each letter has provided a small glimpse into my life at that time (even the bad has shed some insight into the rocky road back to sanity). Gosh there were some good ones, the melt-my-heart kind of good type even. I can't believe I am even admitting this, but a few of the letters made me miss that deep connection we shared during pregnancy. And let's all take note that this is not nor in anyway a feeble attempt of me admitting to having baby fever.  I'll give Brecken to you for an hour, he's the type of birth control that makes people decided to "wait."

;)

Seriously though, these letters. Well, they're kind of like prized possessions to me and I hope they are to her someday. I now find myself continuallylo oking back on them wondering if I am living up to the expectations I have so solemnly promised to in each of them. Am I loving her? Listening to her? Helping her? Teaching her? Sharing my passions with her? Am I tempering my craziness so as to not pass it on to her (I can wish)? She may only be one but I hope that I am making lasting impressions, mostly of love and kindness, that will impact that type of woman she becomes someday.

Geeze she melts me. 

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

I pulled Addy into bed with me extra early this morning. John had gone fishing and Brecken was still sleeping so I took a few quiet moments to nurse her alone. She contently laid there as I scratched her little face all the while silently giggly at the slightest touch. Restlessness soon set in and she started to use my head as her personal pogo stick. Totally normal, right? Once Brecken woke up we puttered around the kitchen and finally ended up eating left over Chinese takeout for breakfast (mother of the year?) Brecken didn't complain and Addy was more then content to throw sticky rice around the dining room. I tried to take in each moment while letting them completely immerse themselves in each other, Brecken laughed hysterically as he made faces, Addy squealed because Brecken stayed just far enough out of reach so she couldn't grab him, and each of them trying with fumble-like fingers to feed the other. It was a simple moment even more than that it was a happy birthday moment. 

The happy-go-lucky atmosphere didn't last long. go figure. Toys snatched out of each other's hands, a favorite sippy cup went MIA, and no sleep the night before all culminated in a very emotionally drained (and tired) baby girl by 9 a.m. I've been silently singing "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to..." for a good portion of the morning. Oh the birthday drama. It's totally a girl thing I assume and it only made me appreciate even more the differences in temperament between my two babies. 

Happy Birthday Addy Mae. You are loved. You are dramatic. You are our baby girl. 

Eleven Months

 

You turned eleven-months-old last Thursday. We were out of town and away from our everyday routine--of which you made me pay for dearly. You really are a great baby, but holy cow, you become a force to be reckoned with when your schedule is changed. And after spending six exhausting hours at the car dealership on Friday night you really hit the ball home by taking three itty bitty steps all by yourself. Naturally, you were less concerned with walking and more intrigued with the toy Brecken had stolen from you earlier. Nevertheless, three steps and I'll take it! Of course you wouldn't repeat the walking for your Dad, and yes, I was so excited that I forgot to take pictures, but we're making progress I (dare) say!

And as if my little baby girl is slipping through my fingertips, three more teeth joined the party! Now it's all sippy cups and eating by yourself which really makes me crave (and cherish) those moments where you still need (and like) me to feed you. Your Dad cautiously suggested I wean you by your birthday. Quite frankly, I think we both enjoy our little moments together too much to call it quits. yes? 

Oh Addy, you really are the apple-of-my-eye. It's the simple things like your tousled bed head each morning and your dainty little fingers that play with my face that make me smile. One more month down baby girl, can you believe it?!

Love, Mom

10 months.

What can I say that hasn't been said before--you really are an endless ball of energy and giggles. With each passing month you are growing and learning at such a fast (and alarming) rate. Just yesterday you figured out that with a little effort you could reach in the cupboard and open the cereal boxes by yourself. A trick I suppose you picked up from your brother. And in an effort to not disappoint, you've become an old pro at gliding up the stairs, going down however is still a bit tricky, but you're learning. And if by some divine power you sensed my need for a mid-day break so you decided all on your lonesome that taking a nap was actually serious business and should be had by all every day (momma not included). 

Though not walking, you have begun to tinker with the idea of standing on your own. It's usually short-lived but warrants praises for the entire day. Which usually lead to profuse amounts of kisses and hugs. And your laugh, oh my. It's creepy and funny--all bundled into one. I need to record it because it makes you sound like such an old man, like let-me-give-you-a-lollipop-creepy-kind-of-way. 

I am so happy I am your momma. Each milestone though small is huge in our book and we gush about you and your brother for weeks. I mean, isn't that what parenting is all about anyway? Bragging about your kids until all eyes start rolling. So here I sit, my heart swelling with love for you and I can't help but think that in two short months my little baby girl will be one-year-old. You are my everything.

By the way, I always thought I would marry a ginger. seriously, my track record of ex-boyfriends speaks for itself. Instead I got ginger babies, which in my opinion is way better. Score one for Team Halsey. 

I love you. 

Mom

9 months.

I can't remember all the details of pregnancy, what I do recollect is the slowness of time. Days seemed like weeks and milestones for each prenatal stage followed suit and bordered on the lines of eternity. eternity, I tell ya! And yet it seems so surreal that the last nine months have gone by so quickly. It's still not clear to me on why time has seemed to glide by with such ease since your birth--maybe it's your gentle mannerisms that make raising you so easy or your brother's playful connection to your every move. Honestly, a small part of me believes that not having to fight with my body for space within my own skin has made this time more enjoyable as well. come on, somebody agree with me?

Oh Addy, what a joy you are. I've joked that you've become my fifth appendage because if you aren't attached to me you certainly want to be. It's a love/hate relationship with the whole nursing thing. But alas it has proven to be the long lost connection I never had with your brother. Unlike him, your birth was timely; without incident or the frightfulness of losing you. Born healthy and on time culminated into one happy baby--willing to sleep through the night, prone to only cry during diaper changes and a natural at eating (and holy batman you can eat, and I can produce. around here I'm a milk makin' factory). Unlike your easiness, raising your brother was hard--maybe the hardest obstacle I've encountered. It's not his fault though, we were new parents, naive to the world of late night feedings and completely out of our element about the needs and demands of a preemie, it was the epitome of "baptism by fire." Your easiness on the other hand can presumably be attributed to already knowing the ropes of this crazy parenting business (seriously, somebody write a book about naive first parents ;)). 

This is not to say there aren't days when I throw my hands in the air and scream "I've had it! Two is enough!" or nights when I lay in bed listening to both of you crying wondering where is the closest hole I can disappear into for a few hours. But then each morning without fail your two-teeth smile peeks out from your crib and I know that the moments of loneliness and frustration are small snippets in time compared to the joy of watching you grow. And growing you are! Two teeth and counting. And if that weren't enough those little feet of yours are being to dabble with the idea of standing. You're still a bit wobbly and out of your element, but I sense the days of crawling may be gone soon. Maybe the greatest change is your sense of curiosity  You reach out for food during meal time, steal your brothers toys when he's not looking, and have found a new fascination for the toilet. Got to nip that in the bud quick, folks!

Your sweet smile, your chewy chubby legs, the smell of your hair, and your dainty fingers that play with my face while you nurse make loving you so easy. Happy nine months baby girl, you are loved! 

xoxo, Momma

love.

Is there anything sweeter than a old couple still in love? Perhaps it's their delicate care for each other or their symbiotic mannerisms that show years of togetherness that make old love so beautiful. Either way, the act of growing old together pulls at my deepest heart strings. My Grandparents have molded this vision by proving that although their love story wasn't always perfect it only fueled the passion that love can triumph. High five, Grandparents!  

I remember in college a brief moment of clarity about joyful love that happened while visiting my grandparents. My Grandpa had just gotten back from golfing or playing in the garage (the details are fuzzy) and my Grandma was meandering around in the kitchen preparing dinner. Meanwhile, my sisters and I had made ourselves permanent fixtures on the couch while watching Friends. Ross and Rachel were talking about wearing silky pajamas, an innuendo about sex I suppose was the brunt of the joke.  Then out of the blue my Grandma nonchalantly remarked, "When I wear silky pajamas your Grandpa chases me around the house too."  

ew. (but cute, only because it came straight from the mouth of my sweet little Grammy). 

Shocked and a bit taken back by her remarks we scoffed as they both laughed at their inside joke. Though not out of the ordinary for them to throw out such remarks because if you knew them then you'd know that inappropriate jokes, flirtatious kisses, love letters written on post-it notes, and the occasional butt pinch were commonplace in their house. This playful banter was part of them until the day my Grandpa died. I look at their story and find solace that their love was bigger then themselves, they had to trudge through the rough times to only come out stronger on top. They found perfection in the other's faults and maybe just maybe found the meaning of endearing love. 

I hope someday that John and I can find that same rhythm to life and if that doesn't happen there's to always hoping that he will chase me around the house when I'm 75 years old... 

:)

Wherever you may be today, I hope you find a little love in your life as well. Happy Happy Valentine's Day.

xoxo, Halsey

eight months

Baby Girl,

I know I may sound like broken record when I say this but I can't get enough of you. This month, actually, this week has been huge. Nothing world changing or noteworthy to others, but big for us and even more momentous for you! You nailed this so-called crawling thing like no one's business and then you decided to hold an extra party for yourself and have a teeny-tiny tooth make an appearance. And if that wasn't enough you took a bath, all by yourself--no sling, no rubber floaties, just you! Your brother couldn't handle you having all the fun so he jumped in too, that's when the real fun began. As a grand finale because every baby milestone must have a grand finale you let your Dad and I go on a date. alone. It may have only been for an hour, but those 60 minutes/3600 seconds (do i sound excited?) involved a grown-up conversation, hand holding, eating dinner without sharing, and a whole side of the booth to my lonesome. (Thanks Joel and Kam!). Then two days ago, as serendipitous icing on the cake, your hair finally seemed long enough for me to clip in a bow because we all know how long I've been counting down the days for dainty bows and pigtails.

Month Nine, how will you ever compete with the show that Month Eight put on? If you happen to whip up a good ole' fashion walking routine and drinking for a sippy cup you may have a chance.

I love you small fry. 

Mom

Seven Months.

Oh baby girl,

I wish you could understand how reflective these pictures are of your life right now. Your personality has blossomed into that of a typical girl. In a blink of an eye you can revert from laughter and giggles to full-blown sobs without the slightest inclination of what went wrong. When not darting back and forth between trivial melodrama, your little mind seems to be so in tune with your surroundings. Recently, you've begun pick up on the slightest social cues--if someone is yelling you cry, whereas laughter from the television sends you into a fit of giggles and when your brother's temper tantrums begin to boil over you stare at him with a sense of confusion and worry. All signs point to the development of genuinely caring and alert personality. I wish I could say those attributes came from me...

Your fascination for the world around you also shows no bounds. You've started to rest on your haunches with all intentions of crawling soon and just this week you started to eat crackers. Sister, slow down! I want you to stay tiny for a bit longer, okay? Between your love for feeding yourself and your fascination with your brother's toys (which he is not enjoying) you have most certainly begun to gain your own independence.

Watching you grow has been one of the greatest blessings of parenthood. Your eyes gleam with delight when you learn a new task and your love for Brecken melts my heart daily. In a world that seems to be speeding downward into a chaotic abyss you hold a glimmer of hope that there is still so much good in the world.

I love you.

Mom

To my babes.

My beautiful babes,

Yesterday something terrible happened. Twenty small children, not much older than you, and six adults lost their lives. Selfishly, I am thankful you can't comprehend that magnitude of the shooter's actions. Unfortunately, this will not be the last shooting to happen and my hope is that I will be with you to the bare the burden when the next one occurs--whether it be to protect your innocence or to answer the questions that may inundate your little minds.

Yesterday's attack has hit our nation like a fast moving rail car. The death of any human being is tragic, but to have a life taken that hasn't experienced all that the world has to offer is devastating. I am sure many of these parents dropped their children off that day with plans of gingerbread making, caroling and sledding in mind for the weekend. I don't want to speak on their behalf, the notion of trying to comprehend their loss and sadness is something I can't begin to understand, and quite frankly it breaks my heart to their imagine pain.

As you Mother I want you to know that from the moment you were born I made an unspoken promise to always protect you {as I am sure every parent does}. I realize that as you grow I will have to let you go--leave you at kindergarten, hand you the keys to your first car, walk away from your dorm room, give you to another to marry. When each of these milestones take unfolds I will be placing your protection in the hands of another and I pray that our Father in Heaven will stay be your side to lighten your load and protect your precious lives.

Please understand that we live in a world where real evil does exist, but that doesn't mean it has to prevail. While tragedies like this may shake us to the bone, we have the choice to put aside our differences and ask the bigger question of "how can I help?" I understand that my role as your parent is to teach you right from wrong.  Ultimately, I have a duty to make sure you are cultivated into a productive citizen, and with that comes the responsibility to reinforce the notion that the world is not perfect and that you will be faced with many trials and tribulations. I hope you will face these obstacles with open eyes and hearts, knowing that God has a plan. Years from now when you have children of your own I hope you will teach them these same principles as well. While we may never be able to eliminate evil from the world, we can try to live our lives in a way where we help to make it a better place.  You will always be my little angels for now and always.

I will never stop loving you.

Mom

p.s.   here is my favorite momma quote...

{source}

Six months

It seems like just yesterday we were leaving the hospital to the chirping of birds and the appearance of green grass after a somewhat mild winter. Now, we are dredging through snow trying to remember where the warm summer days went so quickly. Oh, it's been a busy half-a-year. We moved (two days after you were born), your Dad and I celebrated five years of marriage, your brother turned three, potty training was accomplished, you took your first airplane ride, we took you on an extended road trip, and you tasted a french fry (for shame).

Oh my goodness baby girl, you hold my heart--all of it. You are such a joy in my life. Bare with my cliche, but I really didn't know what I was missing until I had you. You always seem to nestle into my neck and it melts my heart every time. You are finally starting to grasp the idea of sitting on your own, and you've become a lover a food.  So far you have enjoyed beans and sweet potatoes, but you are not particularly fond of pears and those nasty meat baby food (I don't blame you). You've also developed stranger anxiety, this was never an issue with your brother so we are now in uncharted territory. I hope it doesn't last long--I would like to go on a date with you Dad occasionally...

You are my bright-eyed baby girl, you babble continually, and laugh until you are wheezing for air. You are all I could have asked for and more. I love you.

p.s. your brother fed you play-doh today. sorry about that.

Love, Momma

Happy Birthday.

Three years. Has it really been that long? It seems like just yesterday we welcomed you into this world under less than ideal circumstances. You survived because you are strong. It's one of your most defining characteristics. You have a strong mind, and a vibrant personality and you have very strong opinions for such a young age mixed with a heart that is so loving and kind. It seems silly to think of life before you. Those things I used to fill my days now seem so superficial compared to now. Motherhood has become the most rewarding life I could have ever asked for--and it is all because of you. 

Sometimes I lay by you as you sleep wondering why God gave you to me? God must have known I needed you.  Deep down I hold a special place for you in my heart, two kindred spirits that share a common bond as first-borns as well as the same temperament and personality--I am sure I will regret it though when you're eighteen. But for now I savor your spit-fire mannerisms and continuous bursts energy. Thank you for making me into the person I never knew I could be. 

My little boy, my love is without bounds for you. Happy Birthday B. 

Five Months...

Hey Baby Girl,

Can you believe it?! I can't either. Five months went by so quickly. It seems that everyday you are performing a new trick. I just want to bottle you up and keep you at this age. You are pseudo-sitting. It's actually more of a wobble where you will go back-and-forth until you fall on your face. You do have the occasional moments where you will hold yourself up for 10 or 15 seconds, but then you usually start laughing at yourself and end up falling over. It's precious to watch.

Your brother has also started to recognize you. He has always responded to your crying and would occasionally kiss you, but now he actually wants to play with you. Yes, you! Just yesterday you were sitting on the floor in your Bumbo chair and he started stacking pillows around you like a fort. Then he would act like a bear and topple them over. You both laughed and laughed and laughed--tiny giggles filled the house and my heart almost leaped out of my chest with excitement. It was one of the happiest moments I have ever experienced.  

You've also found your voice. Quite a chatter box you've become. When I ask Brecken to make animal sounds he goes on on with "moo moo, cluck cluck, cheep cheep, baaa baa, woof woof--you know, the usual animal noises..." Then I will say, "What sound does Addy make?" And he always replies with a resounding "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" very cute if you ask me. And, again, you laugh hysterically at him. all. the. time. Actually you are quite infatuated with him. You watch his every move, you laugh every time he speaks, and when he lays on the floor you want to lay next to him--always finding some way to touch him, or at least have his undivided attention. You love him so much--which makes this Momma super proud. You've also become interested with you feet. As soon as I undue your swaddle every morning your little toes spring directly to your mouth. If you had your way I am sure you would chew on them all day long. 

Baby girl you are so special. 

I love you, Mom

Four Months.

My Dear Baby Girl.

I seem to have hit a rough patch. The littlest indiscretions seem to send me into a fit of rage and my idle mind has become my worst enemy. Feelings of inadequacy along with guilt and even passing judgement towards others have seemed to be weighing heavily on my mind. 

In some of the darkest moments, your sweet smile has gently pulled me back to realization that God only places upon us as much as we can handle. You really are a sweet soul. Laughing often and smiling always, seem to be your defining personality traits--of which I am thankful for.

I've often wondered why I was given two children with such different personalities and now I know why. Your brother is a fighter. Full of energy and humor, he goes from dawn until dusk.You, on the other hand, have brought a sense of peace to our lives. When I hold you in my arms I am overcome with so much love.

Oh, I love you.

Three months...

Two Months

There are times when I find it difficult to write to you, as if the words don't do justice in describing how I feel. The gentle cooing of your voice to the grunting in your sleep are all simple attributes that you have developed that I hope will  never fade. Sometimes I lay next to you in bed and wonder what goes through your little mind. Do you still remember heaven, or has that faded with your time here are earth? Do you remember every time your brother has accidentally sat on your head? When you smile in your sleep is it because you are entrenched in a sweet dream? 

I hope that whatever it may be,  that your thoughts are filled with precious memories of love--love from us to you and love for this wonderful life you've been given. My baby girl, you are special in so many ways. So special, in fact, that you have touched my life in way that I never could have imagined. Your sweet spirit makes me want to talk softer, listen more, and love often. 

I love you, my dear. 

Mom

One Month

week one.

40/40

My due date has now come and gone and this little lady is still holding out on us. I'm sensing she may be a diva who will live up to the mantra of being fashionably late...

Week 39 of my pregnancy came and went with a vengance. Packing and the logistics of moving have been taking over my brain and all my energy. Who knew I would have to do a change of address for nearly thirty different accounts?

A more minimalistic life may be in our future.

;)

My contractions are now becoming more frequent and neither sitting or standing is comfortable--a real  connumdrum I now face.

Hunk has been amazing through it all. He comes home at night and packs the truck, goes to work, unpacks the trunk and then we start the whole process over again. It become very ritualistic to us now.

Emotions, however, have been riding high. Our hospital cannot perform inductions on VBAC's so if the baby doesn't come in the next two days on her own I am scheduled for a C-Section on Friday--a decision I have been adamantly against, but we are really left with no other options.

The thought of not actually being able to give birth to a child was something I always took for granted until now. I try not to think about it too much because the thought of missing out on one of the most personal and intimate moments of motherhood is too much to ruminate over right now.

Let's just hope I can whip out some extra jump jacks in the next two days and that she'll decide to finally grace us all on her own.

Here's to wishful thinking, eh?

;)