It's been 538 Days

We announced our second baby in December of 2011 and at 20 weeks I decided to start documenting each week of my pregnancy. Guys, my nose. Why didn't you tell me?! I lived in denial thinking it wasn't that big, but holy cow, that sucker could have had its own zip code. If there was ever a time I would want a picture of me to not be forever stuck in the abyss of the internet my pregnancy photos would take the cake. Even the post where I show off my belly in one of those crazy wraps would have been better.

Anyway, when Addison turned one I decided to read back through all the love letters I wrote to her, you know, just to find out how crazy I actually was during my pregnancy. Geeze Louise. Let me publicly apologize. I honestly didn't realize that I had a serious case of the Debbie Downers in a few of the posts. In a split second I thought about deleting those posts, I mean who really wants to read that depressing stuff anyway. We live in a pretty messed up  world and there's no need for an emotionally-drained Mom adding to the mix, right? But after playing the mind game of do-I-want-my-daughter-to-know-I'm-somewhat-unstable-or-not I finally decided against it thinking at some point she would have to know that pregnancy is hard, raising babies is even harder, AND that giving birth to her turned me into a raging Allison Reynolds for a brief period of time (watch The Breakfast Club and you'll understand). 

Interestingly enough each letter has provided a small glimpse into my life at that time (even the bad has shed some insight into the rocky road back to sanity). Gosh there were some good ones, the melt-my-heart kind of good type even. I can't believe I am even admitting this, but a few of the letters made me miss that deep connection we shared during pregnancy. And let's all take note that this is not nor in anyway a feeble attempt of me admitting to having baby fever.  I'll give Brecken to you for an hour, he's the type of birth control that makes people decided to "wait."

;)

Seriously though, these letters. Well, they're kind of like prized possessions to me and I hope they are to her someday. I now find myself continuallylo oking back on them wondering if I am living up to the expectations I have so solemnly promised to in each of them. Am I loving her? Listening to her? Helping her? Teaching her? Sharing my passions with her? Am I tempering my craziness so as to not pass it on to her (I can wish)? She may only be one but I hope that I am making lasting impressions, mostly of love and kindness, that will impact that type of woman she becomes someday.

Geeze she melts me.