It's been 538 Days

posted on: Monday, June 3, 2013


We announced our second baby in December of 2011 and at 20 weeks I decided to start documenting each week of my pregnancy. Guys, my nose. Why didn't you tell me?! I lived in denial thinking it wasn't that big, but holy cow, that sucker could have had its own zip code. If there was ever a time I would want a picture of me to not be forever stuck in the abyss of the internet my pregnancy photos would take the cake. Even the post where I show off my belly in one of those crazy wraps would have been better.

Anyway, when Addison turned one I decided to read back through all the love letters I wrote to her, you know, just to find out how crazy I actually was during my pregnancy. Geeze Louise. Let me publicly apologize. I honestly didn't realize that I had a serious case of the Debbie Downers in a few of the posts. In a split second I thought about deleting those posts, I mean who really wants to read that depressing stuff anyway. We live in a pretty messed up  world and there's no need for an emotionally-drained Mom adding to the mix, right? But after playing the mind game of do-I-want-my-daughter-to-know-I'm-somewhat-unstable-or-not I finally decided against it thinking at some point she would have to know that pregnancy is hard, raising babies is even harder, AND that giving birth to her turned me into a raging Allison Reynolds for a brief period of time (watch The Breakfast Club and you'll understand). 

Interestingly enough each letter has provided a small glimpse into my life at that time (even the bad has shed some insight into the rocky road back to sanity). Gosh there were some good ones, the melt-my-heart kind of good type even. I can't believe I am even admitting this, but a few of the letters made me miss that deep connection we shared during pregnancy. And let's all take note that this is not nor in anyway a feeble attempt of me admitting to having baby fever.  I'll give Brecken to you for an hour, he's the type of birth control that makes people decided to "wait."

;)

Seriously though, these letters. Well, they're kind of like prized possessions to me and I hope they are to her someday. I now find myself continuallylo oking back on them wondering if I am living up to the expectations I have so solemnly promised to in each of them. Am I loving her? Listening to her? Helping her? Teaching her? Sharing my passions with her? Am I tempering my craziness so as to not pass it on to her (I can wish)? She may only be one but I hope that I am making lasting impressions, mostly of love and kindness, that will impact that type of woman she becomes someday.

Geeze she melts me. 


8 comments:

  1. To be honest, I found your letters fascinating. As someone who never really wanted children and later found out I couldn't have any even if I did want to, it was really neat to have a slight glimpse into what it was like. I appreciated your honesty and frankness.

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  2. Awe man you make me laugh lady! PS I never once looked at your nose and thought about it. Like seriously, what planet do you live on that you think it's in any way large?!?! All those letters were so sweet. And I think it's super important for kids to realize that they're parents are human, not super beings. Even tho, you are a super being xoxox

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  3. How adorable and sweet!

    I have thought about writing letters as well {I am 27 weeks with our first Girl} but I am hesitant, not in the sense that they are a bad idea or anything {I think their a fantastic idea} but 5yrs ago when I was pregnant with my son {first, this will be #2}, everything was so new to me and I never did any sort of thing for him like that. Part of me feels guilty for starting things for her that I never did for him. I have thought about writing some letters to my son as a symbol of him starting school this August {Kindergarten!} and if I do that I will more then likely do the letters for baby girl.

    These are just great things for them to look back on when their adults and have kids of their own :) ....{im rambling now lol}.

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  4. Honestly, I never even noticed your nose :) And I love seeing all of the month pics of Addi. Really shows how much they change from month to month! One day, she'll appreciate those letters SO much.

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  5. I didn't even notice your nose! You look beautiful :) I wrote letters to my son while pregnant as well and now I have a journal that I jot a few things in a few days each week (about how he's growing, things we have done, etc). I document mainly because I lost at least 2/3s of my brain cells while pregnant. Thanks kid.

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    1. I love the journal idea! And I too feel like my brain is now mush;)

      Halz

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    2. I love the journal idea! And I too feel like my brain is now mush;)

      Halz

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  6. Paarseminar Have you recently noticed a tough patch in your marriage? There are many problems that a couple could face

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