struggles

I have been battling with the issue of what is "too much" on my blog.

Is it appropriate to give all the details of my pregnancy?

Is it acceptable to discuss certain topics of my marriage that some of you have asked about?

It is obnoxious to rant about a horrible day?

Is it okay to vent about the the naughty things my child does that makes me question my ability to be a mother?

Is it inconsiderate to rave about something amazing that is happening in my life?

Is it kosher to explain the worries I have with the crossroads we are at in our life right now? 

These are just a few of the questions that I have been trying to sort out and answer. 

It seems that everytime I begin to write my feelings the words often get jumbled and lost in an abyss of rambling thoughts.

I've often found myself standing in the shower reciting an entire post in my head that I deem as brilliant or totally eye-opening (don't we all?), but then when I jump out to jot them down the words they often become scrambled and forced.

I chalk it up to the fact that for years I have written thousands of pages (that is no understatement) without feeling and emotion. Most of my writings have often been scientific-based or grounded in facts so to revert to a new writing style of letting myself be open and more subjective has not been easy.

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Even in Spunky Junky's meager beginnings I tried to remain straight forward, posting only the most crucial information, while leaving out any emotion of my day-to-day life.

I realize now that sometimes that best writings (or posts) are those that come from the heart; not sugar-coated, or meant to portray a perfect person, but rather posts that show the insecurities and frailties of each of us

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The blogs that mean the most to me are the one that open themselves up to the idea of imperfection. I can relate to their pain, their struggles, their need for reassurance, their desire to be better--it's as if their words are speaking directly to me.

So I've tried to be more honest with myself. I've come to learn through the small amount of wisdom I can call my own that my struggles and trials have only helped to make me stronger. 

I can look back and say that I am now a stronger

daughter

sister

mother

wife

and friend

because I have opened myself up to the idea of imperfection and its beauty.

I also realize that the only thing holding me back from embracing the words I want to write or the goals that I want to achieve is myself.

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So let us struggle together to find our way in this crazy place called life because the act of quitting is never an option--it's only an easy way out.

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And if I haven't told you lately--I appreciate you.

Your emails, your comments, your friendship--you've helped to lighten my burdens and while I may not know you all personally and may not know your struggles I want you to understand that I know your plight and that you will never be in this alone.