Busy good. It's a thing.

 

I've been struggling lately. Struggling to keep my house clean. Struggling to manage the chaos. Struggling to wean myself from breastfeeding Addy (yes, I'm the problem). Struggling to stay awake come 2:30 in the afternoon. Struggling to make dinner every night. Struggling just to keep on keeping on.  But I'm not complaining, I'm just struggling (which is that considered complaining)?  Relay For Life is starting again and I'm in the full swing of recruiting new committee members and while working on some fun events with the school and I'm also on the city planning board so all those years of schooling and multiple degrees are finally getting put to good use on writing grants.  Have you ever written a grant? It's this conundrum where you have to be scientific and fact-based while still  having some semblance of human emotion. yada yada'd lobster bisque (quote that show). I'm boring you...

 

 Anyway, I guess I'm just starting to feel useful again. Like I have a purpose (don't hate me. I know. Mothering is a purpose).  The stay-at-home-mom gig is such a blessing, but it often seems like the most thankless job in the world so to finally be in the world again, working with adults, not having food thrown at me and carrying on a conversation that doesn't involve talking about Lego towers and Angry Birds is kind of refreshing too.  I'm mean, Lego towers are pretty cool though.

 

Have you ever felt like you were just good though? Well we're kind of there right now. We're good busy and living life in perpetual stage of cluttered toys and days old laundry still sitting in the washing machine, but we all seem to be our happiest right now. Except if someone would like to do the laundry and maybe the dishes I wouldn't object, I may even throw in the vacuuming because, well, I'm a giver. naturally. ;)

 

 This is pretty typical. Her distraught face//His, "what? it-wasn't-me" look. You know. typical. But we're still good.

18 months

I'm digging 18 months. Hands down it may be my favorite age yet. You're so squishy and mobile and you still let me lay slobbery kisses all over your face. You only say "No!" (emphasis on the loudness) and a whole slew of animal noises, but you're smart beyond your years (bias, maybe?) No matter the task you go into full-blown action to accomplish it--picking up your toys, putting on your shoes, grabbing diapers, and climbing into your high chair are all tasks you do with ease. Which is so mind blowing since your most common forms of communication are hand tugging and pointing.

 

I just love you so much and the older you get the more I yearn for time to freeze. You're a picky eater, but if we catch you in the right mood you'll eat about anything. Your favorites right now are candy (shameful), bananas, quinoa, soup, and you have this real hankering for French Fried Onions out of the can (you know, the kind that go on green been casserole) I mean you really like them. And walking. wow. You run, but your little body has to play catch up with your legs so your movements are often jumbled as you topple over your own feet. I like it though, and even more I like chasing those little legs of yours around the living room. AND horse-y time. I think you spend more time riding around on my back which is fun and all except when you brother decides he wants a ride too...I'm not that big of a person so I'm sure you can imagine how the story plays out. And when it comes down to it  I cherish the quite moments in our life when you and your brother crawl up in my arms and we read book, after book, after book (we read a lot of books),  it's in those moments that you gently scratch my hands or run your fingers through my hair (which is ironic because when I feed you your little fingers attach my chest like you're just about to win on a scratch card).

 

Before you I imagined a whole house of boys, the ruckus of little trains and airplanes (wait. that still happens), but now my days are filled will combs, and tucking teddy bears into piles of laundry...and secretly, I kind of want more girls. oi' vei! (I'm sure your brother would disagree).  Even though your words are limited your eyes always seem to be watching and learning and yesterday I caught you with a stool pushed up to the bathroom counter while you teetered on top of it trying to put on makeup by yourself. And like an old pro you knew exactly where to use blush and what brush was needed on your eyes, heaven help us!

 

And if being a girl wasn't enough you've really taken the bull by the horns when it comes to your emotions. Your little heart is so big and the slightest raised voice or stern look your way often sends you into a fit of tears. A hug and a kiss is all it takes for you to resume back to your normal self again. I'm not much of a crier, but I totally get the wearing your emotions on your sleeves. It seems that sometimes the only way you know how to communicate is through your larger than life emotions. Your Dad jokes that the teen years will be rough, I hate to inform him that they could be even more than that.

 

Gosh, I don't even know where to begin and end when it comes to describing my love. I just have so many hopes and dreams for you. You still have so much life ahead that I can't even start to comprehend where life will take our family and because of that I am so thankful for every day we have with you!  

 

 My baby girl, you are loved.

 

Love, Mom

bang. bang. bang.

 Lemme just tell you that my hair really should have a blog of it's own for how much it's discussed, or at least have it's own name because it sure has it's own personality.

I always wanted long flowing hair, like the kind of hair that other people would swoon over. Rapunzel-like hair seemed a bit ridiculous so my eyes were always drawn to a Kate Beckinsale meets Blake Lively style which seemed to fit my fancy.  I don't have a lot of things going for me in life, I'm short with wide shoulders so being a model was never in my book, but my hair, it was made for great things. I've always had volume (and lots of it) and curly hair AND if you could have seen it in it's prime it was so thick and lush (not sure it's the right word to describe it). So naturally, I was set up to do down right amazing things with my hair!

Then my story took a turn when I had kids and the curliness became unruly and the long beautiful locks because straggly with patches of thinness and I began to rapidly produce unruly little one-inch hairs that never seemed to go away (or grow). So I toughed it out for a few years thinking my hair would eventually return to it's once stellar grandeur. But alas and as most sad stories tend to go...it didn't. Insert: tears.

 Anyway, five inches later and a full set of Zooey Deschenal bangs, yes baaaarngs, I am finally getting accustomed to my new style. I was a basket case for a few days with a mild case of cutter's remorse and a whole lot of guilt for chopping what little (and did I mention slow-to-grow) length I once had, but I did it and as the old saying goes "there was no turning back."

And if my own reaction wasn't enough to cause me fits at first it was John's reaction that sent me over the edge. Why are guys so bad at hiding their horror? seriously. I'm sure the ombre' took him for a loop, but his dissatisfaction in the bangs seemed to be the hot topic at the dinner table for oh' lets say seven days. He's adjusting now, except for those rare exceptions in the morning where I look like the love child of Edward Scissorhands and Beetlejuice. Again, my hair has it's own personality.

So that's it, the bangs are here to stay and I'm beginning to transition the way I wear hats, and headbands, AND beanies, and I've even learned to use bobby pins again. And I'm kinda starting to like them.

Your thoughts? On bangs of course. yay? nay? And I guess ombre'. What's your thoughts on that look too?

the one about wild game

Growing up my family moved quite a bit, I guess not as much as some other kids I knew but enough that the thought of  new schools and friends were always on my mind (yay for fresh starts!). One thing always remained the same wherever we went was the quintessential small town vibe. You know the kind of town with  the main street had  no stoplights and the grocery store was a bustling parking lot of running cars with their keys in the ignition and no drivers to be found.

Ennis is  no different and I wish for one day I could bring you all here. There are so many little events that happen in this quiet little town that make me want to finally give my kids roots of their own.  If you're a Gilmore Girls fan it's kind of like Stars Hollow with bustling a diner and colorful characters and enough drama to fill seven seasons of television ;)

 In late October, right before the opening day of hunting season the downtown businesses hold an annual event called the Hunter's Feed. The sidewalks lining main street become  inundated with eager crowds patiently waiting to try unique culinary works of genius made exclusively made with wild game (insert: kick ass elk brownies). It's a last hoorah before the blustery months of snow and wind, making it almost impossible to stay outside for extended periods of time, so  naturally it's a very popular event.

But it's not for the faint of heart, favorite's of the night included chunky trout chowder, fried antelope ravioli, and jalapeno and bacon wrapped duck and about twenty different concoctions of wild game chili give or take a few...

Stop cringing, the elk brownies were deceivingly tasty ;)

A little corn maze action

 

Last week we took the kids to one of the local corn mazes in town because it just wouldn't be fitting to go all Fall without getting a little straw in our shoes or in the kid's underwear ;)

 

And I'm sure I've mentioned that I'm not the biggest fan of the lack of seasons in Montana. Actually, I'm fairly certain that I've mentioned it more than my fair share of times. Anyway, since having kids I've kind of taken on this new appreciation for what little seasons we do have. You gotta take what you can get, right? Arriving at the corn maze was more than Brecken could handle, the excitement in his voice and eyes was worth every penny of the experience. Seriously, you should have seen it, it was kind of like herding cats...in a shower. Each time we would get stuck in the maze he would yell "DEAD END!" and then as fast as his little legs could carry him he would bombard through the crowd trying to retrace his steps. He didn't care if we made it out or not, and I'm certain that he was a little disappointed when we finally got to the end.

 

At one moment, John was bouncing Addy who was ecstatically giggly as they bounded ahead of us, all the while Brecken was still screaming "DEAD END!" as he tried to catch up to his Dad. The sun was just a sliver along the horizon and was cascading the most beautiful magenta hue along the mountains and in that moment I remember thinking how perfect our life was, and I mean really perfect.  You know what I mean? I guess I sometimes get so caught up in this image of creating perfection for my kids that I forget that just living in the moment is sometimes as close to perfection as they will every need. Does that make sense? When you really think about it some of the sweetest moments in life are the ones that you never planned or expected--this was one of them.

 

 

P.S. My sister introduced me to Bastille a few months ago and I'm still obsessed. This song is on my workout playlist. For some reason it just gets the juices flowing.

Happy Birthday Brecken!

 

My Boo turned four. Four, I tell ya! Where did the time go?! He's a spitfire and a love bug all bundled into one wiggly little package. To say my heart grows a bit more each day for him would be an understatement. He's my pride and my joy, and the little soul that made me into a Momma.

 

Here's the birthday boy's favorite things:

Angry Birds

Sprout TV

chicken strips and bananas 

iPad watching

Lightning McQueen

Sling shots

 

Happy Birthday Brecken, you are loved!

 

First Birthday, Second Birthday, Third Birthday