A few thoughts about what we are going through...

If you haven't noticed I have been neglecting my blog lately--late posts, missed Feature Fridays, no giveaways, and less then stellar tutorials. 

Recently, we found out we were preggers.

Bells and whistles rang out in our house that day.  It was bells and whistles of terror when we began to realize that we I would be pulling double duty on diapers, tantrums, feedings, throw up messes, and sleepless nights.

Once the terror finally wore off it was replaced with thoughts of pink and blue, white crib or brown crib, boy name or girl name. Delightful thoughts began to fill my mind of a cooing little snuggler, then I started to bleed and thus began the daily visits to the doctors office which meant multiple check ups and lots of needles.

When the pain started to set in the thoughts of a miscarriage were then replaced with the words ectopic pregnancy. Luckily, the doctors figured out what was wrong with me before a rupture occured.  So for the last two weeks I have been poked and prodded more then a few times.

While I am so grateful for wonderful doctors and kind nurses, the medicine they have injected me with, which by the way is given to chemo patients, now makes me feel nauseous at all hours of the day and has made me so tired that sleeping is no longer something I enjoy.

And if that weren't enough the cramping and gut wrenching pain has made me somewhat immobile for the last two weeks--and when I have gotten out of bed my slow movements resemble that of Quasimodo.

Yesterday, was the first day I was able to move around without pain shooting throughout my every movement and I am thankful that for the time being the pain has subsided. Now, I am just trying to come to terms with the emotional and mental portion of this ordeal.

Really I am fine, but there are a few things I am still trying to sort out in my mind.

 I realize and know that the pregnancy would have never been viable, but I think what I am having a hard time with is knowing that pregnancy will always be one of those trials I will have to overcome. For those of you new here, Punk was born at thirty weeks and between the two of us we spent nearly three months in three different hospitals. It's a story for another time, but the point is, so far pregnancy has not been easy or enjoyable.

I always imagined how wonderful of an experience it would be, and that I would be one of those pregnant women who would gush my growing tummy and my soon to arrive stork flown package. I then imagined kissing my little snuggle bug in the hospital and bringing home my bundle of joy to a wonderfully prepared house. None of those dreams happened--which is life and I am fine with that.

What I am having a hard time grasping is that I have no control over my body or the situation. It will take time for me to come to terms with the fact that I will never have a house of ten kids. I must clarify, I never wanted ten kids, but the thought that if I wanted to I could would have been nice.  

I am not planning on writing a book or a mini series (hahaha) on my feelings, but I just wanted you to know that my neglect has nothing to do with a lost desire to blog anymore.

Quite the contrary actually, once I feel well again I have major plans for grand home decorating projects, fun new summer tutorials, and lots of great guest posts and features.

For right now, though, I am going to keep writing posts about my family and feelings because those seem to be the things that are making me feel better.

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I hope you all have a fantastic weekend and know here in the Bishop house we hope you can find some comfort for all your trials as well!