A few thoughts about what we are going through...

posted on: Saturday, May 21, 2011

If you haven't noticed I have been neglecting my blog lately--late posts, missed Feature Fridays, no giveaways, and less then stellar tutorials. 

Recently, we found out we were preggers.

Bells and whistles rang out in our house that day.  It was bells and whistles of terror when we began to realize that we I would be pulling double duty on diapers, tantrums, feedings, throw up messes, and sleepless nights.

Once the terror finally wore off it was replaced with thoughts of pink and blue, white crib or brown crib, boy name or girl name. Delightful thoughts began to fill my mind of a cooing little snuggler, then I started to bleed and thus began the daily visits to the doctors office which meant multiple check ups and lots of needles.

When the pain started to set in the thoughts of a miscarriage were then replaced with the words ectopic pregnancy. Luckily, the doctors figured out what was wrong with me before a rupture occured.  So for the last two weeks I have been poked and prodded more then a few times.

While I am so grateful for wonderful doctors and kind nurses, the medicine they have injected me with, which by the way is given to chemo patients, now makes me feel nauseous at all hours of the day and has made me so tired that sleeping is no longer something I enjoy.

And if that weren't enough the cramping and gut wrenching pain has made me somewhat immobile for the last two weeks--and when I have gotten out of bed my slow movements resemble that of Quasimodo.

Yesterday, was the first day I was able to move around without pain shooting throughout my every movement and I am thankful that for the time being the pain has subsided. Now, I am just trying to come to terms with the emotional and mental portion of this ordeal.

Really I am fine, but there are a few things I am still trying to sort out in my mind.

 I realize and know that the pregnancy would have never been viable, but I think what I am having a hard time with is knowing that pregnancy will always be one of those trials I will have to overcome. For those of you new here, Punk was born at thirty weeks and between the two of us we spent nearly three months in three different hospitals. It's a story for another time, but the point is, so far pregnancy has not been easy or enjoyable.

I always imagined how wonderful of an experience it would be, and that I would be one of those pregnant women who would gush my growing tummy and my soon to arrive stork flown package. I then imagined kissing my little snuggle bug in the hospital and bringing home my bundle of joy to a wonderfully prepared house. None of those dreams happened--which is life and I am fine with that.

What I am having a hard time grasping is that I have no control over my body or the situation. It will take time for me to come to terms with the fact that I will never have a house of ten kids. I must clarify, I never wanted ten kids, but the thought that if I wanted to I could would have been nice.  

I am not planning on writing a book or a mini series (hahaha) on my feelings, but I just wanted you to know that my neglect has nothing to do with a lost desire to blog anymore.

Quite the contrary actually, once I feel well again I have major plans for grand home decorating projects, fun new summer tutorials, and lots of great guest posts and features.

For right now, though, I am going to keep writing posts about my family and feelings because those seem to be the things that are making me feel better.

I hope you all have a fantastic weekend and know here in the Bishop house we hope you can find some comfort for all your trials as well!


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34 comments:

  1. Oh no!!! I am sooo sorry to hear this! We miscarried with our first and I thought that was bad! I can't imagine the pain with an ectopic pregnancy! :( Lots of happy thoughts and prayers coming your way from NatSprat! Hang in there! ((HUGS))

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  2. oh, Halsey! I'm so sorry you're going through all that. I'm glad you're still going to be blogging - cuz I'd miss your blog if you didn't. And of course the changes on your blog right now are totally understandable.
    On a different note - I've been wondering what one would have to do to perhaps blog swap or do a guest post on your lovely blog??
    I hope you're starting to feel better. I'm sending positive vibes and lots of prayers your way.

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  3. Many prayers for you and your family!

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  4. ((((hugs)))) I am Sao sorry. I went through a miscarriage this week and I am still trying to recover physically and emotionally. My heart goes out to you and your family. I will keep you in my prayers.

    Here is a song I posted this week, it really helped me
    Http://resourcefulred.blogspot.com

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  5. Halsey I am so sorry! I had a miscarriage years ago and went on to have two other wonderful children after it. If you need anything just let me know. It is so tough...

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  6. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I hope you feel better soon.

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  7. I went through an ectopic pregnancy several years ago. I know the physical and emotional pain you are going through.

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  8. Halsey, I'm really sorry to hear of what all you're going through. I hope each day gets easier for you.

    Hugs,
    Tracy

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  9. There is nothing to say except I am so sorry for your loss and pain. I hope you can feel our love and support during this difficult time.
    xoxo
    Amy

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  10. Hugs... I wish I could give more...

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  11. Oh my deary. I am so sorry you've had to go through all that pain! My thoughts and prayers are with you! And no worries, i'm not going anywhere. You come when you are ready and feeling better :)

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  12. Oh no :( I can't imagine... I am so sorry for your loss, and hoe that you are feeling a little better soon

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  13. I am so sorry! I have dealt with multiple miscarriages but also have 3 beautiful children. My thoughts and prayers are with you! Take care of yourself and I hope you get well soon.

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  14. Thinking of you Halsey. So sorry to hear that something of this pain (physically and emotionally) happened to such a beautiful, friendly, lovely, all over fantabulous lady. Take your time in getting back at it-it's so important to make sure you take time to heal, on all levels. My thoughts are with you, Hunk & Punk <3

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  15. I am so sorry for your loss. I miscarried summer and can relate to the pain you are experiencing physically and emotionally. Please be sure to take some time for yourself. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family <3

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  16. Desde España mucha fuerza y mucha ternura para afrontar este tiempo de cambio, el dolor físico pasará y el psíquico tardará un poco más pero rodeada de la familia que te quiere todo, todo irá muy bien. Muchos besos.

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  17. No words... but, I'm sorry.

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  18. I'm so sorry Halsey. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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  19. I'm so sorry for your loss and pain. I also miscarried our first child and it takes awhile to become whole again. Thoughts and prayers to your family.

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  20. That just sucks. SO sorry Spunky. Really.
    It is so hard trying to take care of a little toddler while not feeling well. I feel for ya. I hope you start feeling better.

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  21. Oh, Beautiful girl...I am so sorry! The trials in we have to face in life! Reading this hit so close to home for me. You and your sweet family will be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you feel better soon both emotionally and physically!
    Loves,
    Kirsten

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  22. Oh Hals...I am so sorry to hear this. P and I will keep you and the fam in our prayers. Let us know if you need anything. Take care :)

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  23. Sorry to hear this and I hope you feel better soon!

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  24. Dang that stinks. Sending big hugs your way...

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  25. :( so so sorry. your sweet little fam will be in our prayers!!

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  26. Just wanted to say, you're in my thoughts.

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  27. Hals, you are in my thoughts, I love you. I am so sorry :(

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  28. Hi, I just stumbled across your blog-
    I am sorry for your loss. I know I am a total stranger to you and your family but I will have you in my thoughts and prayers for a speedy physical and spritual healing.
    BTW love your blog-you have a new "lurker"

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  29. HUGS...I'm so sorry you are going through this but God definitely has some plan for it. I cried reading this because we went through something very similar recently. I lost our baby on Easter. I panicked over being pregnant and taking care of a toddler but we already had names picked out and everything. Morning sickness that saturday, then lost "Bunny" Easter morning. The back and forth to an OB's office can be awful.

    We're praying for your family. If you ever need to talk or anything this was actually our 3rd miscarriage. I'm a stranger but I'm happy to listen!

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  30. *Sigh* thank you for sharing this with us. We are keeping you close in our hearts.

    Warmly, Michelle

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  31. I am usually a lurker but wanted to say so sorry for your loss and I have been in the loss category before and it so hard. Again so sorry.

    Lots of hugs!

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  32. You are in my thoughts. I am so sorry to hear this!

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