Growing up I was always the mothering hen kind. Doting around bossing my siblings and playing house. At a young age I would tell everyone that when I was all grown-up I would have eight children, and one of them would be named Coke. I was demanding and I was adamant that eight children would be in the future with some poor unfortunate man.
Some years later the mothering hen was replaced with a task-oriented young lady who wanted a career and the freedom of being her own woman without the strings that came attached with children. If you would have asked her if she wanted children she would have scoffed with a resounding, "No." Sadly, she had succumb to a general fear in our society--by admitting that she wanted children she would be seen as less of a professional and that the opportunities for promotions would bypass her because of my "lack of dedication."
Time passed and I eventually married and both John and I started post-graduate degrees. My days were filled with research and my nights were spent sitting in the classroom. Between my job and school most of my time with John was spent eating fries and a burger around midnight. We may have lived together, but were were living completely different lives.
Near the end of our graduate careers we were both burdened with extraordinarily long hours of work as well as the demands of finishing our degree work in time to receive our diplomas. Even more pressing, I had been battling the stomach flu, and when the symptoms ceased to subside my greatest fear loomed in the back of my mind. pregnancy. A part of me thought that if I didn't take a pregnancy test it wouldn't be real.
It sounded rational at the time...Ignorance is bliss?
I made it through graduation, but finally admitted to John my greatest worry. So we both sat in the bathroom for three minutes--waiting. Then it happened. He cried was joy. I cried too, but with less enthusiasm. Through the tears I managed to choke out, "How can I be pregnant? I didn't graduate to just have babies."
The months passed and then Brecken finally arrived through less than ideal circumstances. But he changed John and I in ways we didn't know were possible. For so many years both of us had lived our lives thinking only of ourselves--consumed with our needs and wants. Upon his arrival the mentality of "I" and "me" was replaced with "us, ours and we." His little spirit was the missing piece that made us a family.
For that I will always be grateful.
Now, I look back at that little girl who wanted so much from life--family, husband, and a child name Coke and I have the deepest respect for her. She was brave and independent and didn't define her life based on the standards of the world. Oh, she was sassy, but it was her unbridled spirit for knowing exactly what she wanted that helped make her so strong.
Twenty me, was more lost. Trying to find her place in the world, defining her life and value based on the number of friends instead of the quality. Making bad choices based on the need to please others. She was happy, but lost. If I could, I would have that sassy little thing visit her. I'm sure she would point out that there is more to life than pleasing others and defining one's life based on the opinions of others. Oh, and I'm sure she would remind her that she wanted a baby named Coke...
Over the weekend I finally tackled opening some of the boxes from my studio. Moving is exhausting, but unpacking is unbearable. Sadly, our new house is lacking a space suitable for me to call my own--a place where I can let my creative juices flow, while not having to worry about two-year-old grabby hands sneaking away with my scissors and buttons.
For the time being a small part of the basement has become mine. Most days I have to fight Brecken for the space and with pre-school starting soon I may actually get a few hours all to myself. In honor of my upcoming freedom I am celebrating with all of you! Last season's items are now up for grabs at 50-70% off their retail value. While shopping make sure to check out the new items in the store as well.
Have I ever mentioned that Brecken has as a lot of energy? Oh, silly me. Yes, I have. This past weekend was the our local home show and after two failed baby sitting attempts we decided to take Brecken and Addison with us. I'm sure you can imagine how it went. John and I were defeated by the end of the day.
Oh, and the house above, a-mazing. Outdoor kitchen, 11 bathrooms, chapel overlooking the pond, waterfall, professional sized kitchen, and an exposed beam ceiling that would make you drool.
Since moving and having the baby I have found it hard to do just about everything. Simple tasks like making dinner, washing laundry, and even working seemed so irrelevant. So after weeks of sitting around and complaining about how mundane my life had become I finally started creating again.
I realized that I spent so much time on the computer reading blog after blog comparing my so called "mundane" life to everyone else's perfect lives that I was beginning to lose myself in a fake reality. Oh I knew deep down that what may be portrayed as perfect on a computer screen was probably as far from perfect as my own life. So I put the computer away, spent more time with my kids, went to visit my sister, started making dinner, did all our laundry, and I even read a book. A real bonafide book full of lovely characters and a nail-biting details. Then I started working again. New headbands have been created, glue guns has been making their magic, and my sewing machine has been softly humming to me everyday. All these small changes culminated into a large spot being filled.
Creativity has become my saving grace. Thanks for being patient.
Oh, I love Denver. The food is amazing, the shopping is endless, and it just seems like there is never enough time to check everything off our "must-see" list. Usually we drive the daunting twelve hours to Denver, but this time we decided to fly and I can say without a doubt it was the best. Decision. Ever. We were there in an hour-and-a-half and Brecken and Addison were both asleep before we left the tarmac on both flights.
Ultimately, we've come to realize that vacations are less about us and more about the kids---with 23 grand-kids and two more on the way, most of the time we spend with John's family usually involves a lot of "kid-oriented" activities. So we made the most out of our short trip and made a point to hit some of the fun hot spots in the Denver area.
The Denver Aquarium and Zoo were were at the top of our list. Have you been to the new elephant exhibit at the zoo yet? You really have to go. It is amazing and it feels like you are in Disneyland. Even though Denver was on Day number 21 of weather in the 90's we still tried to explore all the exhibits at the zoo.
We also saw a Rockies game and we were lucky enough to have a suite, so while the guys watched the game out on the balcony we also got to enjoy the opening ceremony of the Olympics. What did you think? I give them a five out of ten. The highlight was Sir Rowan Atkinson's clever theatrics. Denver was great as always and it was nice to finally to be in the vicinity of "luxuries" such as fast food, shopping, and pools.