I haven't blogged much lately. I've struggled with finding my voice and rather than write crap I decided to step aside to take a breather. This blog of mine has morphed over time and while it has been a steady avenue for chronicling my tiny family it hasn't always been the truest form of myself (as I'm sure most blogs are). The struggles to write honestly run deeper than trying to find the right words to type and somewhere inside me I knew that my own feelings of self worth and identity seemed to be the common triggers for my lack of motivation. Not too long ago John asked me what my hobbies were and for the life of me I couldn't think of any. And even more alarming I realized I had been using my children as the crutch for not developing my own talents--I'm too busy. Someone has to parent. I'll find a hobby when they go to school. You know what I mean. My identity has become so attached to my children that my own sense of self-worth was lost somewhere along the way--their happiness is my happiness? And honestly, how am I to write if I don't have interests of my own? sad. I know.
So I threw away all the ice cream turned off the Netflix and sat down late one night and decided to write down all those things that I have wanted to do but never did because of one excuse or another. After awhile the list seemed so daunting that I finally decided to capture 30 goals just for myself.
Here it is: 30 before 30.
Read at least 10 books.
Try new recipes.
Start playing the piano again.
Send more packages.
Help someone in need.
Make a dream into reality.
Plant a garden. (I kill plants).
Be published.
Reupholster a piece of furniture.
Go on a road trip.
Eat something new.
Try fly fishing
Take a photo-a-day for thirty days
Date my husband.
Learn to be more forgiving.
Ride a bike more often.
Spend more time outdoors.
Learn how to make French macarons.
Finish a daunting project.
Keep weightlifting. just keep going...
Do something spontaneous.
Play in the ocean.
More phone calls.
See a Broadway show
Learn to let go.
Go on a one-month spending cleanse.
Conquer a fear.
Do more random acts of kindness.
Visit some place new.
I love the list Halsey! I made one of those probably 15 years ago and I still have it. Lots of things are checked off, more things are added, and more will be added. It's fun to have goals, especially the far out and vague ones! And how can you say you couldn't think of any hobbies? I don't know you that well, but you are always creating something new for your house, decorating, taking pictures, dressing awesome (that is definitely a hobby, and it's not one of mine unfortunately!), driving ;) Good luck with the 30 before 30!
ReplyDeleteThat is a solid list, sister. Also, I think you are pretty great and I'm glad I can claim you. As for hobbies, you can probably say giving dating advice is one...that may actually be bordering on a full-time job with how awkward I am with men. Hahahaaa :) Love you!!
ReplyDeleteLOVE your hair!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd I do love your list - now interestingly, "learn to let go" was on my 36 things list a few years ago and amazingly, I have!
So here's to that list. Let me know if you need any butt-kicking :)
Lately, I'm coming to realize that the "Mom" club is SO alike. We all have different schedules, different morals, different beliefs, different parenting styles...we're different in so many ways. But then there's that common bond. We have the same inner struggles, the same wants, the same needs, the same conversations with ourselves in our heads. If you had more hobbies, you'd probably be struggling with the, "am I spending enough time with my kids." Is {blank} taking too much time away from being a good mom. We need "me" time, then we bash ourselves for taking "me" time. We're all struggling with wanting balance, but then yearning for validation. Being a SAHM mom ain't all that gratifying when it comes to the day to day crap. Just keepin' it real. The point of my rambling is, we're all having the same inner conversations/arguments. We're all trying to do the right thing for ourselves and our families, and figure it all out. The thing is, our mother's did too, and in most cases, no matter their flaws, inconsistencies, or failures, we still turned out all right - and probably didn't even notice their same struggles. There is no perfect balance. It's a day to day decision making process. Maybe today, you sit on the floor and play Barbies for three hours. Tomorrow, you hide in the bathroom to finish a novel. Day to day.
ReplyDeleteAnd by the way, gardening is my hobby (obsession), and it's a great one 'cause you can get the kids out in the dirt with you. They entertain themselves while you get free therapy. :)
I've definitely tried to work on some of these things being a new mom...and dating my husband is probably towards the top of my list. It definitely takes effort to do all of these things for "you" but you have to just do it! There are always people that are willing to babysit :)
ReplyDeleteAs a new mom, I've definitely attempted to improve on some of these things. geometry dash scratch
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