posted on: Wednesday, January 22, 2014

John and I closed out yesterday with one of those come-to-Jesus types of arguments. After eight years together we're still surprised by the moments where we're back at square one trying to figure each other out. Unfortunately that time fell smack-dab on my birthday. The fight was over communication (or the lack there of) and a lot of crying was done on my part and a lot of frustration was aired out on his and all I really wanted was birthday cake.

When we married a lot of people gave us advice--advice of kids, advice on fighting, advice on cooking, advice on making it through the hard times. Someone even suggested that we should always fight naked (we tried it once..) :) But no one ever gave us advice on how to work through the stable times. The times where life would be good and the newness of marriage would be replaced with a blossoming partnership full of children and memories. I think that's what made this argument sting a little more than others, there was no impending trial or problem and the only fingers to point were at each other and when that happened words were said that can never be taken back.

I'm hopeful that whatever was amiss was just a small bump in the road and that when we look back on the story of us we'll see it as a moment of triumph and growth because no matter how many doors were slammed or how many tears were shed I still fall asleep at night knowing that John is my go-to person. My friend, my shoulder to cry on, my taste-tester of new meals, my strength when I falter, and the logic behind my irrationality. So I'm 29 and I'm not sure if we have all of our crap together, but I do know we're both in it for long haul. He's my last I love you at night and my first sight each morning and when it comes down to it I guess he's better than any piece of  birthday cake anyway...


  1. Oh girl that happens to the best of us. The fact that you are aware of it is what will get you through it. So many dont even notice. LOVE you. Hope you had a happy birthday xoxoxo

  2. I think this is so true. I don't think there's a perfect marriage because how boring that would be. People are constantly changing and life is adjusting. I think knowing you love each other and in it for the long hall. So go you guys. And happy bday!

  3. First, I LOVE that photo. Second, I keep forgetting how young you are. 29?! Really?! I swear I was just 27. Now, somehow, I'm 38. Closer to 40 than 30. Egad. I should have something profound to say, as your elder. Hahahahahahaha. I think, sometimes, you just need to purge. The day in and day out of being married and raising kids - it's a lot of work. Sometimes, you just need to yell. Yelling means you still care. I think it would be more of a worry if you never had a fight. Fighting means emotion, emotion means feeling, and feeling means caring. I could be full of &*@#, but that's my theory. :)

  4. Good pic! As for your story, thanks for sharing. My husband and I have been together for almost 20 years, married for 11 of them, and we just weathered a really tough time in our marriage, just when I thought we'd ironed out all of our creases. It's really true what they say...that marriage is a journey. This was the first prolonged difficult time we've ever had. Fights, sure...but we'd never struggled for years. Now that I know it's possible to do that, and still be in love on the other side, I feel stronger. I suppose it could happen again, but maybe I won't be so scared next time. Any way, kudos to you for sharing your argument (too bad it happened on your birthday!) and recognizing what's important in the end.

  5. You have wisdom far greater than any 29 year old I know.

  6. Happy birthday!

    And just so you know (you do know) but birthdays are just a day... the real magic is usually in the normal, boring, day to day :)

    although it does suck to fight on your birthday!

    did you get your cake eventually???


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