Instagram and a little about where we're at...

posted on: Friday, April 18, 2014






I guess I write this post not really knowing what to say, I know a "thank you" is in order for all of those that have helped us over the last month and my heart is full of gratitude for those that have shown us so much love. This past month's roller coaster of emotions felt like the carnival ride that would never end. And between the sickness and pain and sometimes the most somber moments of sadness I've been reminded that being strong is never skin deep. 

Lately, it feels like we've been living in this perpetual state of repetitive questioning, the questions and concerns haven't bothered me and the unceasing love for my family has been a reminder that people are good. Mostly I've been asked  "How are you doing?" at first my reaction was simple and direct about the pain but as time passed I began to realize more and more that I wasn't quite sure how I was doing. So in the most matter-of-fact way I don't really know where my emotions are at these days and I'm fine with not knowing or even understanding them completely. 

Two weeks ago or so John and I decided as a united front that it was time to sell off all our baby items (I know it may seem a bit rash)--basically the whole gamut of swings, clothes, shoes, bouncers, you name it, it's now gone. When it came to finally get rid of it all I had a small panic attack at the years of memories that were filled within each box, but as I went through each item one-by-one only trying to only keep the most precious and memorable pieces a weight slowly lifted off my shoulders. And it wasn't until the last thing finally sold that John and I realized we had made the right decision for our family. It seemed that holding onto each article of clothing and every morsel of babyhood had taken it's toll on us, it was like a small army of baby items had bogged us down in trench that could only be escaped by purging it all. And when it was all gone I cried out of relief and a bit out of guiltiness.

And as with all fresh starts I'm trying to find one for myself as well. We've been steam rolled over the last five years in terms of pregnancies and realizing the burden that each one has placed on our marriage made us realize even more that a break was in order. A break from babies, a break from worrying about the inevitable, a break from dreading the worst, and a break from feeling completely helpless. So we're breaking. I don't know if it's a permanent one or not and while I'm so sad, a sadness that seems so hard to even describe, I know my focus needs to be on being a wife and a mother to the people that I already have in my life.  

And I finished Whole30 yesterday, which has been a small victory for me and big victory for my pants. More on that later. Happy Easter, friends!


16 comments:

  1. Thinking of you and I am happy to know you and your family! Jamie

    ReplyDelete
  2. From Reign you can buy the latest Online Formal Wear at best price and enjoy free home delivery.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Buy the latest Embroidered Lawn Collection from Reign and enjoy the best price with free home delivery.

    ReplyDelete
  4. The most important things when working out are flexibility and comfort. That is why Dshred has the best collection of Women’s Bottoms and Joggers to suit your needs. We have the best leggings for women and girls in Pakistan. Get high-quality gym trousers and yoga pants to suit your workout needs.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Now You can get best quality buy multivitamins online pakistan online from medisense where all kind of supplements and vitamins are available.

    ReplyDelete
  6. We do extra care for your babies. Buy best quality baby food in Pakistan at best prices from medisense. Order Now and enjoy free delivery at your doorstep.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Buy Good quality insulin price in Pakistan with affordable rates at your door step. Fast delivery.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Buy best quality blood pressure device price in pakistan online at affordable prices from medisense. Delivered at your doorstep. Get free shipping.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Buy best quality sexual products online shopping in Pakistan from medisense at your door step. Quick delivery. Order Now!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Buy best quality blood pressure device price in Pakistan online at affordable prices from medisense. Delivered at your doorstep. Get fast shipping.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Now You can get best quality multivitamins in Pakistan online from medisense where all kind of supplements and vitamins are available. Quick delivery.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Now You can buy lactogen price in Pakistan from medisense where all kind of medicine and baby foods are available. Quick delivery.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Buy best quality blood pressure machine in Pakistan online at affordable prices from medisense. Fast delivery.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Now You can buy Online certeza nebulizer price in Pakistan from medisense where all kind of nebulizer and steamers are available. Quick delivery.

    ReplyDelete

Spunky Junky All rights reserved © Blog Milk Powered by Blogger